It's been a series of unfortunate events lately. Hence, the missing in action on this platform for a while. Some happened due to my own poor judgement. Some happened because of a decision I made earlier out of desperation. I acknowledge that most of them are really a result of my own actions and so I embrace them, learn the lesson and move on.
But nothing tops what happened last week.
You see, there's this lady L, who stays just a block away, and whom I respected a lot. She's also a mutual friend of one of my church friends. She was made known to me as a mentor, a former youth pastor and a very helpful friend.
True enough, the first time we came in contact on Facebook, I was looking for a babysitter for my then 16 months old daughter as I was gonna start working in a corporate. We met up soon and she was kind enough to take me to meet up with one. In the end, though I didn't manage to engage with a babysitter, she continued to show kindness and help later every time she came across something worthy to share such as tiffin food delivery, cheap imported diapers and so on.
Recently I was involved in a "war" with someone at work. When she learned about it, as a trainer for lawyers (including some well known ones), she gave me some valuable advise and it really helped me to understand my rights and got me through my battle. As such, I have the utmost respect and gratitude for her. I really considered her as a valuable friend.
Last Thursday, though, was the turning point of our relationship.
On the 8th of August (Tuesday), she texted and asked if I want some German diaper (Nappy Time) as she's doing a group buy. It costs rm38 for a box of L size with 72 pieces in it. After some calculation and consideration, I decided to give it a try and ordered a box.
The goods arrived the next day but I only went to pick up on Thursday as I had things to do.
Before I headed to her house, I gave her a call just to make sure she's home. And she was. So I went there and waited right in front of her gate. I sent her a WhatsApp text after I stopped my car.
I waited for awhile but she was no where in sight. Just as I was waiting, Charlotte decided to drop her water bottle and the water spilled on the car seats. I nagged her grumpily and quickly took some tissue papers to wipe the seats. Charlotte was seated at the back so naturally my upper body was turned to the back to wipe the wet areas.
As I was busy wiping, I heard a bang from the left side. I looked up and L's auto gate was opened. But as my car was quite close, the gate couldn't fully open. One gate was against my left side mirror and the other was stuck somewhere around the tire side on the back left. I didn't see L as her house door was still closed. Puzzled, I turned and look to the right. I saw a black car readily trying to reverse. As in, the reverse lights were on. I wasn't really sure whose car that was but I decided to move the car further to the front for the gate to open fully.
After I've moved away, I saw the said black car reversed into the house. It was her husband.
I then reversed my car and stopped my car right in front of her house again. L was out of the house with the box of diapers in her hands, ready to pass to me. Her husband came down and told L what happened. He did apologized and said he thought my car was far enough from the auto gate.
Still, I was very puzzled.
Why didn't he honk?
Why didn't he signal or alert me in anyway before he opens the auto gate?
How was he supposed to reverse the car into the house if the auto gate didn't hit my car and I was not aware of his presence?
As I said, I was RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE HOUSE.
As we examine the scratched part, I told her that I was not aware at all of the auto gate opening as I was wiping the water on the car seat.
I used the wet tissue paper to wipe the paint of the auto gate off from the car. Unfortunately, the auto gate has scratched off some paint of my car.
She saw them too. Initially, I told her that it's fine and that I will see what I can do with it. But later that day, after discussing with my husband, he told me that it's best to get it repaint or else the paint will fall off even more and the part will get rusty.
My heart sank as I had an internal debate with myself. I know that she has helped me a lot so I really wanna be the bigger person to settle this myself. But for some reasons, I will be jobless soon. With another one on the way, and some to-buy essentials on the list, I am not ready to fork out something extra for something like this.
The next day, I called up the service center to ask for a quotation. They told me it's maximum RM500 but could be lesser. I need to send my car in for them to quote me an exact price. After much contemplation, I texted her to tell her about our decision to repaint the scratched part, and hope that she or her husband can help to bare half the cost.
I was really fine when she suggested to have it done outside of the service center. I mean, I would want to pay lesser, too, just as long as I could get it fixed.
Then, things started to turn the other way round when I said that as long as the paint can be nicely done.
She started to become very offensive and put the blame back on me.
Honestly, I was shocked and upset. It's not my first time stopping by her house and there're times when my car was nearer to her auto gate. I started to question myself if it's really solely my fault? Maybe I shouldn't have
tumpang the group buy? Maybe I shouldn't go at that time? Maybe I should park my car further away? Like, on the opposite side?
I waited until Saturday to go to the service center to get the quotation.
I was quoted RM318 including GST. So I thought, ok
lah, not that expensive if divided by 2.
Still, I didn't tell her right away because I was really really reluctant. I kept thinking of all the help she has done for me. At the same time, I know that I have to think for myself and my family. I even asked a few friends for advise. They said that it's not entirely my fault and it's her husband's mistake for miscalculating the distance between my car and the auto gate. So asking for half the compensation isn't that big of a deal.
It's OK.
I gave it a really really long thought, and decided to send her the quotation on Sunday night.
I was quite disappointed when she told me to just get the paint.
So I thought, fine, I'll just settle it myself. But I had so much emotions stirring inside me, I decided to get them out of my chest.
It's not my first time facing such problem when it comes to money. I keep thinking that there might be some exceptional people out there and she could be one of them. But I guess she's no difference.
She has proceeded to block me after sending me that last text. Hence, the missing profile picture. She has also proceeded to unfriend and block me on Facebook.
Really? My choice is to get the most out of others?
I didn't make up the quotation and I could have asked for full compensation instead of just half of it.
Is she also saying that, just because she has helped me, I shouldn't even ask for it?
It's like telling my own daughter, just because I gave birth to you, nurse you and so on, you cannot throw tantrum for whatever reason it may be. Or when she's older and ready to go to college, I should tell her to get her own tuition fee cause I've done so much for you already. Like that?
She used to say how mothers should really help one another. And for that, I thought that she's an understanding and empathetic person. I guess I'm wrong.
My friend even told me what she wrote on her Facebook wall after she has unfriended me. So now her friends will only listen to her side of the story and none of them will get to know mine before judging.
This was, and still is, a really huge blow for me. It made me questioned myself so much. I also felt extremely saddened for how things turned out cause it's nothing as I expected at all, especially from someone I respected so so much. I cried the whole night after the lights turned out and had a migraine the next day. Thankfully, I have friends who're there for me and to assure me that I've done my part the best way possible. In Mandarin, we say 讲钱伤感情. I really don't wanna admit but the saying is as true as it is. But at the end of the day, we cannot please everybody, and leave ourselves helpless and wounded.
I've now collected myself and set my mind straight. I believe in this incident, I have been polite and kind in my most possible manner. I did everything I could to ask her for half the compensation nicely. It is really a shame how things have turned sour and for the worst. This is indeed a painful lesson with a price to pay but I will not let it affect me further because I am moving on.
Penning this down serves as a closure. I hope none of you have to go through this. But if unfortunately you have to, had or are dealing with something similar, I hope that you will keep your head up high, deal with it diplomatically and march on.
