I have the privilege of taking up a part-time job in a company that has my best interest at heart. So even though I am a part-timer, they also signed me up and included me in a coaching program they are having for everyone in the company. Which I am deeply grateful for.
I had a second session with the coach just a few days ago and the main subject that we talked about were my career goal and how to achieve it.
Throughout the session, it was clear to me that I have the passion and the desire to move to another level or at least try to do something that is out of my comfort zone.
What's stopping you? She asked.
What's your obstacle now?
I paused, and thought really hard about it.
I'm afraid that the new job might not allow me to finish work early so that I can pick up Charlotte when she finishes school at 4pm.
I'm afraid that I cannot find another loving and reliable nanny for Emmett.
I'm afraid that the new job might take up a lot of my time that I will not get to spend enough time with them.
I'm afraid of missing out every little milestone they achieve.
So, your kids are holding you back? She asked again.
I thought about it again and I said, they are not holding me back.
They are my motivation to thrive harder.
They are not my obstacles.
They are my priorities.
As the words came out of my mouth, it's like an epiphany to me as well.
I am slowing myself down and holding myself back because I now have different priorities- my kids!
Traveling can wait.
Career can wait.
But time with them are so limited as they're only young for such a short while.
Watching them grow and hitting every little milestone give me a sense of joy no words can ever explain. And they need me now, more than ever. If I can't be there for them now, then when?
Soon, they won't run over to plant big kisses on my lips.
They won't spend time having dinner with me.
They won't be calling "Mummy, mummy!" tirelessly.
Soon, they won't be mine, but someone's else's husband or wife.
And then, I won't be their priority anymore.
Let me tell you a little story that has me feeling guilty since it happened.
Charlotte has a habit of sleep-talking.
Few days ago, she hit me in the middle of the night. She hit me 4 times. And every time as she hit, she was crying out "No carry Emmett!". 4 times.
I turned to hug her tight. And she went back to sleep. The room was dark. But as I brush her cheeks, it felt wet. So was mine.
I am doing my very best to be there for both of them and to battle this mom-guilt constantly. But somehow I'm always at the losing end.
Realizing that now my priorities are them gives me a new perspective in life. That sometimes, some things can wait.
Cooking can wait.
House-cleaning can wait.
Laundry can wait.
Washing the dishes can wait.
Scrolling on social medias can wait.
A crying baby and a toddler that stands patiently outside of the kitchen waiting for a hug?
Don't wait. Attend to them first.
I love you both. Very very much.
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