A Letter to My Dearest Charlotte

My dearest daughter,

I've been trying to write this letter for the longest time but every time I sit in front of the laptop trying to put my thoughts down in words, I will be overcome by emotions, follow by teary eyes.

But you turn 3 years old today. I see you growing up before my very eyes and I have decided that I need to just do my best to let you know how full of love and respect for you I am.

So let me tell you a little bit about you. You love play and adventure like any other young kid. You would swirl around with that big smile on your face when I bring you to a playground. You would also repeat tirelessly, everyday, throughout the week, that you want to wear your Minnie Mouse swimsuit and go for a swim.

You love reading. I gave you a new set of books last week cause you've memorised all the other books that we've read together everyday for a couple of months. You're so happy that now we're reading the same 4 books daily before bedtime. You even want me to repeat them at least a few more times before we turn off the lights and hit the sack. Even though you can't read on your own yet, you could memorize and read along with me.

You have a really good memory. Besides memorizing the story books, you could also remember things that were taught in school. You would come home everyday singing to the songs the teacher taught you. You could also name the colours and numbers in English, Mandarin and Bahasa Malaysia. Oh, and you could even count to 40 now. Sometimes, you could even remember things that happened once at a certain place a few weeks ago. When we happen to drive pass that same place, you could point out what we did and who we saw there. And it frightens your dad a lot, simply because he can't even remember what I said just 5 minutes ago.

You love your little brother a lot. When he cries, you would go up to him and pat his head, chanting "It's ok. It's ok". When you're going to take a shower, you would tell him, "Wait for jie jie ok? Jie jie shower first." before taking your shirt off and dash into the bathroom. If I'm taking my shower and he's crying for me, you would read to him your favourite book, cause you know that he'll be ok just to have you around.

You love to sing. You could even come up with your own song with your own lyrics. It's funny to listen most of the time. The other day, you sang "One, little two, little three, little baby Emmett..." and I just couldn't stop laughing looking at you singing with accompanied actions. It's just too cute!

You have your own happy dance, too! When you get to drink your favourite packet milk or go to the playground, you would hold your fists up to your chest, twist your body and do a little hop. It makes me feel happy for you, too.

You also drive me up the wall sometimes but there is never a day that you don’t make me smile. You are clever, so so clever. You just want to know everything and that is so much more important to me right now. I love your thirst for knowledge.

You see, in many ways, you reminded me of myself. You look like me when I was little, you have good memory just like me (thank God!), you love singing just like me. Basically, you're like my mini me!

But also, in many ways, you're better than me. You love generously, you forgive easily and you're just a genuinely kind and wonderful soul. And I can't express enough just how proud I am of you.

So on this day, as we celebrate your 3rd birthday, I might not have the perfect gift for you, but I want you to have whatever you want. I want you to be happy. I want you to find someone that you love and love them completely. I want you to find a passion and follow it completely. I want you to work hard at whatever educational and career path you choose, although whatever you choose is fine with me. I want you to do what you love, and live a fulfilling life. Never let anyone tell you what to do, listen to advice but always make your own choices. If you can learn one thing from me I hope it’s that, do whatever you choose to do and don’t let anyone hold you back, whoever they are. Even if that person is me. Most of all I want you to be content. Find the simplest joy in the smallest thing. If you are kind, loyal, ambitious, determined, honest, faithful, loving, accepting and humble, then good things will come to you. Lastly, be brave and take risks. Take chances and be daring, life’s too short not to.

Happie Birthday my sweet sweet darling.


Love,
Mummy

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Pros and Cons - Day Care vs. Nanny

Charlotte started attending day care when she was 19 months old. She had positive progress throughout her one year attendance and I thought that day care was for me (and my kids).

But when I didn't enroll Emmett into a day care centre when I was about to start work simply because the day care centers in Puchong are much more expensive compared to the one I sent Charlotte to in Cyberjaya. I was extremely reluctant to send him to a nanny simply because I had many bad experience while visiting and interviewing a few nannies before. 

Thank God I managed to find one that charges within my budget and Emmett had been in good hands so far.

So I would like to share my personal view on this matter.

Nanny Pros:

1. More Parental Control: With a nanny, I get to have a say on what to let my child eats or what his schedule should be like. Emmett's nanny also records his daily activity on a daily log that I provided so I get to know what's going on throughout his stay at the nanny. Sometimes the nanny would also send me pictures of him.
2. Individual Attention: Emmett's nanny is currently only taking care of him. She has 3 school-going-grandchildren but that doesn't affect her at all. In fact, the kids are very helpful and love to play with Emmett. She would also update me on Emmett's development which I'm really grateful for. 
3. Attachment: The nanny is now Emmett's primary attachment figure. He can rely on her for secure and comfort.
4. Flexibility: I can send Emmett to the nanny anytime of the day because I know that she will be home. She is also fine with me if I need to send him early or pick him up slightly later. She sometimes even asks me to send him during school holidays or public holiday without extra charge. 
5. Consistent Care: Unlike turnover at a day care center, the nanny is always there to care for Emmett, which is important for Emmett's emotional development.

Day Care Pros:

1. Helps Build Social Skills: Baby gets to develop critical skills by interacting with others, both adults and children.
2. Variety of Resources: Most day care centers offer a wide variety of toys, books, games and play equipment. They might also provide opportunities for creative play with art supplies, educational games, dress-up outfits and building blocks. These are usually included in your monthly fee so you don't have to pay extras.
3. Multiple Teachers: Children will be supervised by a group of teachers and form relationships with more than one individual.
4. Cost: The price of daycare tends to be more affordable than a nanny since you are sharing the cost with other families. The price varies based on location and type of facility. Charlotte's day care in Cyberjaya cost RM700 per month while the day care centers I've surveyed in Puchong cost at least RM1200 per month.

Nanny Cons:

1. Parenting Style Conflict: I interviewed many nannies before I found the right one. The reason I turned down most of them was because of parenting style conflict. I have some specific and reasonable requirements which I wish the nanny would follow such as not using the walker and less screen time but sadly not all are on the same page as me. Some even questioned me back, "Huh!? No walker!? Cannot one! Later start walking slower than the others, how?". I explained my reasons and concerns but not all are open minded. This current nanny's who's taking care of Emmett is not the case, thank God! She respect my parenting style and tries to follow as much as she could. 
2. No Sick Time Coverage: Unless you can get others to help or find a back up plan, if the nanny is sick or needs to leave town, you will need to take leave from work as well.
3. Cost: Nanny costs vary depending on location, the number of kids, and other factors. And generally, Chinese nannies charge more! I am not being racist here but I really think that some Chinese nannies are just too calculative. Some even told me that they will charge me extra if I pick up 10 minutes later. I understand that work is work and extra time should be paid for. But being too calculative just sets me off. Again, I am very very very lucky to have found one who is not calculative and charges me at an affordable price.

Day Care Cons:

1. More Germs and Illness: Charlotte had Hand Foot Mouth Disease (HFMD), Influenza A and Influenza B within a year of attending day care. Well, she basically falls sick every 3 weeks. I guess it's something hard to avoid with kids sharing so many toys, wiping their noses and touching the toys again. 
2. Sick Policies: Some day care centers have strick sick policies. You have to take off from work or find other childcare arrangements when your child has an illness. Further, if your kid gets sick at daycare, you will have to come pick them up and keep them home until they are free of the illness. I had to take unpaid leave for almost 3 weeks when Charlotte was down with Influenza B as I've used up all my Annual Leave back then.
3. Inflexibility: Daycare centers run on specific hours so if you are late picking up your child, it is probable that you will be subject to an extra charge. I was charged RM10 once for being just 3 minutes late, even though I was usually one of the few parents to pick up the child early.

It's not easy finding the right child care for your kid. I thought I'm the pro day care mom but I have a different view now because I am so so so so lucky to have found the right nanny for my son. To know what suits you and your family, my advise would be to sit down and list down the things that is important to you (eg. supports breastfeeding) and be honest with the things you need and want. Also think about things that may upset or frustrate you (eg. talking in baby language, the use of baby walker, etc.). Make visits to potential child care provider and don't rush into making a decision. I've interviewed more than 10 nannies and visited more than 7 day cares before choosing the ones for my children. Remember that no decision is permanent and you can always change your situation based on your needs or your child's needs.

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Emmett Has Bronchiolitis

As some of you have known, Emmett was admitted to hospital on Tuesday night because he has bronchiolitis.

I'm not sure when it all started but I'll give you an honest account of what happened here.

He's been having runny nose and cough with phlegm for quite some time already. I thought it's common as his sister, Charlotte, who's a school-goer, could sometimes be heard coughing with phlegm. She loves her brother and would sometimes play with him and kiss him on the cheeks. I've been trying my very best to tell her not to kiss Emmett on the lips since day 1 and so far she's been obedient. So Emmett's flu and coughing was not bothering at all as he's been cheerful all the while.

It started to be a lil unusual last Saturday mid night. It usually takes me around 5 to 10 minutes to put him back to sleep when he's up for mid night feed. But that Friday night, he woke up crying and screaming. I couldn't pacify him by breastfeeding him or shushing. It took me around 50 minutes to make him go back to sleep. I felt he had a lil temperature but I dust it off and went back to sleep cause I had to wake up at 4am to catch a plane. I brought him with me.

He was awake most of the time when I thought he would be catching up on his sleep in the carrier. When we arrived at our destination, his runny nose and coughing became more severe. Soon in the afternoon, his temperature was higher. I kept trying to breastfeed him but to avail. Even if I successfully had him latch on, it was only a good 5 minutes or lesser. My boobs were sore and hard, and that's how I know he's not drinking well.

Took him to see a doctor in the evening and true enough, he was having a fever and his temperature was 38°C. Gave him some paracetamol to bring his temperature down and he slept almost throughout the night. He did woke up a few times crying in discomfort yet refused to be nursed.

We went back on Sunday in the evening. The next day, I took the day off to bring him to the paediatrician. He was still having high fever. Doctor suggested him to be on the nebulizer twice, 4 hourly. He felt better but the fever still comes and goes. So the doctor told me to take another day off to bring him back for another round of treatment the next day.

And I did. We came back the next day and he was on the nebulizer twice again. He did felt better but his symptoms were still there -  shortness of breath, fever, cough with phlegm, flu and lethargic.

Pic: He was lethargic and sleeping most of the time since we came back from our trip.

The doctor ran a blood test and nose swap. The result showed that he has respiratory syncytial virus (RSV, also known as human pneumovirus). In other words, he has bronchiolitis.

So doctor suggested to get him admitted immediately so that he can be on the nebulizer 4 hourly and get a physio therapist to perform percussion to help clear the phlegm.

Reluctant but I know it's for his own good. And for the first time ever, I am so so so SO glad to have bought him a medical card.

We got ourselves admitted at 10.30pm cause there was no available ward earlier. It's a single bedded ward as the doctor said he needs to be away from other patients as his condition is not so good.

Right after we've settled down, the nurse came to give him some paracetamol for his fever. And then there was the 4 hourly neb throughout the night and day.

The physio therapist performs percussion on him once a day. Basically, he wraps Emmett up in a burrito, then uses his 3 fingers to tap on his chest and back. Emmett needs to fast for at least 2 hours before every physio session.

It's our second day in the hospital and Emmett is responding very well to  the treatment. And it's obvious cause he's now more awake and energetic, almost back to his own self. I say almost because Charlotte is not around so he's not squeaking like usual lol. The doctor advised to stay one more day as there's still shortness of breath. It's better to have him carefully taken care of  so as to not have secondary infection. Ok lo, you say like that, ok lo lol.

One more night and we'll be out of the hospital tomorrow. Get well soon ok cheeky boy!

******************************************

I gathered some FAQ about Bronchiolitis as follow:

What causes bronchitis in babies?
RSV is the most common cause of bronchiolitis. RSV usually strikes children by the age of 2, but is most common in babies less than 1 year of age. This contagious and dangerous viral infection produces inflammation, mucus, and swelling in the airways.

Can you catch bronchitis from someone?
It's usually not contagious, so you typically can't get it from another person or pass it onto someone else. People with this condition often have a phlegmy cough, but even if you are in close contact with them when they are coughing, if the illness is not caused by infection, you won't catch it.

Signs and symptoms of RSV bronchiolitis.
For children with bronchiolitis, after developing a runny nose and cough, over the next few days, the cough will worsen and may become tight sounding and your child may develop other RSV symptoms, including fever, wheezing, and difficulty breathing.

(ps/ From this table, Emmett was already in a severe condition when we came back from our trip.)

What is the bronchiolitis treatment in babies?
There is no cure for bronchiolitis, so treatment is aimed at the symptoms (eg, difficulty breathing, fever). Treatment at home usually includes making sure the child drinks enough and saline nose drops (with bulb suctioning for infants).To avoid the infection spreading to other children, take your child out of nursery or day care and keep them at home until their symptoms have improved.

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