Peace in the midst of a pandemic

I've lost count of the latest number of identified Covid-19 patients in Malaysia. But from the news, it seems that the confirmed ones are surrounding the place I stay and often go to. It also seems that the number will potentially multiply in the upcoming days as a few of the confirmed cases had been moving around in crowded places prior to being diagnosed. 

Naturally (and unfortunately), I panic. I bought extra canned food, dried food, detergents and toiletries when I visited the supermarket. I would lug face masks for my husband, too, but I couldn't get hold of any since 2 months ago. I also stored up oil and snacks, you know, just in case.

I wouldn't say that I went into panic-buying because the goods bought could last us maximum 2 weeks. But I did bought a little bit more than usual.

**

A parent has come in contact with a confirmed Covid-19 patient. The parent has responsibly took the initiative to inform the school immediately and quarantine at home with the whole family. The student in question was identified by MOH as the secondary contact. A memo was sent out to parents immediately by end of the day. 

However, it was somehow leaked to the press and the news broke in Chinapress the next day. Soon, parents kept calling the school to demand an explanation even though nothing was taken out of context from the memo. And out of desperation, some parents chose not to send the children to school until the family in question produce a medical report stating that they are free from the virus even though the school assured that they're been carrying out sanitizing job at least 2 to 3 times diligently on a daily basis since coming back from Chinese New Year. 

The family has come to an end of their 14 days quarantine and they're still in good spirits. 

** 

In the midst of this global pandemic, we need peace and assurance to carry on with life. However, even if I purchase all the groceries I could get, will I not be anxious and restless? If we keep our children away from schools, gatherings and all other crowded places, will we find peace in our hearts as we are confined at home?

And then I question myself - Why do I let chaos influence me? 

An inner voice shouted back at me that all these earthly materials are only temporary. However, eternal peace can be found in our Lord Jesus Christ.

Again and again, the bible reminded us that if we ask God, He promises us His peace.

1 Peter 5:7 - Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.

Psalm 29:11 - The LORD gives his people strength. The LORD blesses them with peace.

Isaiah 26:3 - You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!

John 16:33 - I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world

May this be a reminder to myself and everyone who reads this that in this climate of uncertainty and fear, only in Him will we find eternal peace.

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Feminism

Charlotte enjoying herself on a fire truck when we visited a fire station 2 years ago.

I've never really associated myself as a feminist until I find myself starting to correct Charlotte every time she makes a sexist statement.

"My teacher said blue is for boy. Girls cannot like blue. Girls like pink and purple."
"No, Charlotte. I like blue. Sometimes, daddy wears pink, too."

"Only girls can cook. Boys cannot cook. My friend said one."
"Look at Masterchef! Gordan Ramsay is a man and he can cook really well."

"Why that gorgor has long hair? Boys cannot have long hair."
"Well, Aquaman has long hair."

"Boys like cars and motorbikes. I like cars but I'm not a boy. So I cannot like cars."
"I'm not a boy, too, but I looooovve cars."

"Teacher said boys cannot do things nicely. Only girls can."
"If you guide them, they can do it nicely, too."

"Emmett cannot play with my baby (a soft toy) because he is not a girl."
"Well, I think it's ok. I mean, daddy takes care of you and Emmett when mummy is not around, doesn't he?"

The more I address to statements like these, the more furious I become. It dawned on me how much people consciously or subconsciously genderlize everything! From colours to toys, outfit, hairstyle, the book they read, the things they do and the food they eat!

And then I realized, I am a feminist myself. I find myself constantly fighting for equal rights, especially when I know that I am capable of doing so much more than what other defines that I cannot.

I remember comforting Charlotte and tell her that it's ok if she doesn't like ballet. Hiking sounds fun. It's ok if she doens't like to wear dresses in pink. I, too, prefer wearing long pants cause it gives me more mobility freedom.

I hope I could talk to the school one day on these comments that was picked up in school. However, I understand that parents play a bigger role. So I pledge to raise my children differently so that they believe they have the opportunity to succeed in school, college and career, regardless of how they look, where they start or where they live.

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Before I knew it

It just dawned on me that I'm already in another stage of parenthood.

My kids are now sleeping through the night.

I can do my cooking in the kitchen while watching Netflix, knowing that the both of them will be occupied in the living room with each other or with their own toys.

My daughter now comes to me to ask about Math instead of how to open her water bottle.

My son is so expressive now that he sings his answer when being questioned.
Me: Emmett! Where is your water bottle?
Emmett: I don't know no no no no no no (in "Baby Shark" tune)

They can both eat their own dinner without much supervision/ feeding.

They come to me and ask to refill their water bottle when it's empty.

They can both now help to do simple chores like folding the laundry or keeping their toys. Just yesterday, Charlotte helped in changing the bed sheets by taking out and putting on a new pillow case. Emmett tried by asking the sister to help.

I can now stand at the bathroom door while waiting for them to take off their own uniforms to take a shower.

I can now stare into the abyss and wonder who's that staring back at me.

Before I knew it, I'm getting back my freedom, bit by bit.
Before I knew it, they'll be running their own world. Without me.

It's strange but I have to admit, I'm missing their littleness and their helplessness. I thought I wouldn't. At the same time, I'm thankful for the new found... freedom? Oh, and that 7 to 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Ah, the conflict of my little heart!

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我最最最最欣赏的本地作家- Echo 许慧珊

小时候年轻时的某一天，在书局闲逛的时候，机缘巧合下翻开一本名为《单身俱乐部》的书。才刚上中学，毛还没长齐的我，翻着翻着就爱不释手了，索性买了回家慢慢啃。

结果就这样中毒了。这作者之后出版的《无聊才结婚》、《快乐小女人》、《爱情贩卖机》，我都统统买了。

我喜欢她幽默的写作手法。喜欢看她写的阿乐阿敬阿明阿海阿德。喜欢看写实的真人故事。遇到好笑的东西会笑到肚痛飙泪，然后再回读两三遍。

当她出版《告别单身》时，老实说，还蛮震惊的，因为毫无心理准备。这个高喊单身快乐的女人要结婚了！那我以后的日子要怎么办啊？我还没出社会工作嘢！

后来，《最美好的时光》、《左雍右为》、《女人与小孩》我都没有错过，并偷偷地以它们为鉴，成为我以后的育儿蓝本。虽然后来因为经济考量而无法为孩子们的前三年成为全职妈妈而难过了一阵子。后来的后来，有幸在面子书上加为好友，让我内心翻腾欣喜若狂了好一阵子。到最后的《街头eC9俏小孩》及《从C9到暴民》，总是能找到许多共鸣之处。

上个星期，我单身匹马南下上林文才老师的《原生家庭》课。报名的原因也是因为她大力推荐，并常在面书提到这课程能怎样帮助个人了解自己。果然，非常值得的一堂课。很庆幸很庆幸自己报名了。

我想，老天想好好奖励我，所以让我遇见了我小时候的偶像最最最最欣赏的本地作家 - Echo 许慧珊。

啊，我还记得那时在课室了一个转身不小心看到她时那小鹿乱撞的感觉，在心里练习该怎样打招呼。后来趁空挡时，鼓起了勇气上前自我介绍。启程回吉隆坡前，还一起自拍了。

看来，我的2020毫无遗憾了😆。

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