Saturday, April 30, 2016

Happy Birthday, Charlotte

Did you know that Charlotte was actually scheduled to be out on the 29th of April, 2015?

I remember that day very well. I woke up, feeling anticipated and nervous yet excited at the same time. I fasted as told by the doctor. I didn't eat anything cause he said Do not eat anything for at least 8 hours.

But he didn't say Don't drink anything. So I drank a glass of milo ais while accompanying the husband as he had his breakfast. And the rest is history. You can read it here.

It's been a year! We've been parents for one freaking year! I can't really say that we did a really good job but still, we're gonna pat our own shoulders for surviving lol.

I remember everything vividly.

This day last year, I woke up, made sure I din't eat or DRINK anything before checking into the hospital. I remember telling myself Yay! First hospital stay for a really happy reason! wtf lol. I remember changing into the hospital gown and feeling so naked cause my butt was exposed hahaha. I remember taking pictures and just living that  moment. And I'm glad I did cause the memory is still so fresh!

Then I also remember waiting outside the operation theater and started to cry. Honestly I was not sure why. I just kept sobbing. The anesthetist offered me a dose of vitamin B complex to calm me down. I also remember the feeling when they injected me with epidural and how the anesthetist test my numbness by rubbing ice on my lower body.

I remember the sound of my gynae telling the nurses what to do and telling me what's going on. I remember I felt nothing but I know my body was being moved about. I remember my husband said how much blood and water there was but I just couldn't feel anything.

Then I heard a loud cry. The husband said the doctor didn't even need to wack the buttocks to initiate that cry lol.

And then she was brought to me as the nurses was cleaning me up. They showed me her pat pat to ensure me that it's a girl hahaha.

I remember the first faces I saw once I was out of the OT. I saw my dad, my stepmom and my husband. My dad kissed me and I felt so happy.

I waited in a temporary ward cause my bed was not ready. Within an hour, the nurse brought my baby to me. I remember trying to sit up cause I wanted to feed her but the wound was so so so so so so SO hurtful. But I still push myself cause they said it's crucial to have skin to skin contact and latch as soon as possible. I remember not knowing what to do but just shoot my breast into her mouth. I remember it was an overwhelming feeling. And when she's done, I remember how amazed I was to see that my nipples can be stretched and reshaped lol.

I remember just staring at her. And felt so proud of myself, thinking I just gave birth to a human being!

What seemed to be a rocking start, like every other new parent, we've finally made it through the first year. And as everyone told me, all this shall pass. No matter how difficult the situation, no matter how long some days seem to be, there's always a new beginning. It's called Tomorrow.

Yesterday, I did not post anything on social media. I spent lesser time on my phone. Cause all I wanted to do was to spend a good day with Charlotte before she officially turns ONE. It was an amazing day. There were moments she looked me into my eyes and smile. Widely and genuinely. It's like she's telling me Good job, mommy. We've made it! And I feel like, whatever's broken can be mend. Everything's gonna be ok. Everything's gonna be better.

I will continue to plant kisses on your chubby cheeks every single days no matter how you try to struggle or push  me away fml. I hope that you're not afraid to fall and you will continue to laugh as your heart desires. I hope you stay curious and be bold in exploring the wonders around you. I hope you have courage and be kind. I wish nothing but the best for you.

Happy Birthday, my baby.


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