3 Tips on How to Survive A Trip and Not Break A Friendship

Sereen and I talked about going on a trip many years ago when we were still childless. After having 2 kids of our own, with the elder one being 4 years old and could appreciate traveling more, we decided that it's about damn time.

We decided to a short trip to somewhere near, so Singapore it is. Not really a good idea after all cause Sereen said, and I quote, "So near but so expensive."

I know. It's Singapore ma.

I'm not gonna elaborate on the itinerary because we didn't have a solid one as we're travelling with kids. But if you really need to know, we went to The Gardens by The Bay, Singapore Zoo and Orchard Road.

What I'm going to write about is the things I learned about travelling with your bff and kids!

I guess without prior experience, we didn't really know what to expect. But through this first experience, here are the top 3 tips on how to survive the trip and not break the friendship.

1. Plan loosely

We didn't have a tight itinerary like where to eat or what to do and where to go. The whole trip was kinda children-centered. So we decided on The Gardens by The Bay, Singapore Zoo (with Jungle Breakfast with Wild Life in the morning) and Orchard Road to see the Christmas deco. We decided on what to eat there and then with Google being our tour guide. Besides rushing through The Gardens by The Bay on the first day because we only arrived at 7pm, we enjoyed our trip to the zoo the next day leisurely. Ok, we did rushed a lil in the morning so that we could get a nice spot to see the animals at the Ah Ming Cafe. Otherwise, we took our own sweet time to explore around. And at night, we went to Don Don Donki at Orchard Central (because yours truly is a fan of everything Japanese), had dinner there and walked along Orchard Road to see the Christmas decorations. Tiring at the end of the day but considered ok as we didn't have an ultimate goal to achieve so there was no pressure.

2. Separate all the spending

Besides hotel and flight, where one of us paid in advanced for everyone and then share equally later, we spent and paid for everything separately later. We didn't have a "tabung kongsi". When Sereen suggested this, I was honestly a little upset cause I was like, "Why? Are we going to do all things separately?"

Then I realized it's the best practice throughout this trip.

Ours and our kids' food preference are different. While Charlotte and I are quite open to try new things, Sereen made it clear that her son, Mason, is quite a China man and he needs his rice. So even if we decide to eat something else, she would need to dabao a dish with rice for Mason to eat, which I don't think it's a very good idea at all. So we dine in food courts where there's a variety of food to choose from without having to compromise anything.

On he last day before our flight back together, we spent the entire time almost separated, alone with our own kiddo. I felt it was necessary and much needed cause I hardly get to have 1-on-1 with Charlotte since Emmett arrived. Needless to say, we spent everything separately, too. So it was indeed a wise decision to not have a shared allowance.

3. Discipline your own kid

I must say, traveling with your kid and your friends’ kid is a test of friendship. When you travel, and your kids don’t know each other much and or never been into a playdate, it is hard to be in between with the two. They get jealous of each other and sometimes is so hard to handle! But one thing for sure is that Sereen and I both know the boundaries. She handles her kid, and I discipline mine. And when it comes to sharing, if one doesn't want to share his or her own things, we respect the kid's decision and the mother will handle her own jealous kid.


Truth to be told, traveling with kids is exhausting. Their nap time doesn't sync, sometimes we have to wait out a tantrum. It felt like I needed a vacation from our vacation. But at the end of the day, we built memories together. Few years later we could maybe laugh about it.

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A Letter to My Dearest Charlotte

My dearest daughter,

I've been trying to write this letter for the longest time but every time I sit in front of the laptop trying to put my thoughts down in words, I will be overcome by emotions, follow by teary eyes.

But you turn 3 years old today. I see you growing up before my very eyes and I have decided that I need to just do my best to let you know how full of love and respect for you I am.

So let me tell you a little bit about you. You love play and adventure like any other young kid. You would swirl around with that big smile on your face when I bring you to a playground. You would also repeat tirelessly, everyday, throughout the week, that you want to wear your Minnie Mouse swimsuit and go for a swim.

You love reading. I gave you a new set of books last week cause you've memorised all the other books that we've read together everyday for a couple of months. You're so happy that now we're reading the same 4 books daily before bedtime. You even want me to repeat them at least a few more times before we turn off the lights and hit the sack. Even though you can't read on your own yet, you could memorize and read along with me.

You have a really good memory. Besides memorizing the story books, you could also remember things that were taught in school. You would come home everyday singing to the songs the teacher taught you. You could also name the colours and numbers in English, Mandarin and Bahasa Malaysia. Oh, and you could even count to 40 now. Sometimes, you could even remember things that happened once at a certain place a few weeks ago. When we happen to drive pass that same place, you could point out what we did and who we saw there. And it frightens your dad a lot, simply because he can't even remember what I said just 5 minutes ago.

You love your little brother a lot. When he cries, you would go up to him and pat his head, chanting "It's ok. It's ok". When you're going to take a shower, you would tell him, "Wait for jie jie ok? Jie jie shower first." before taking your shirt off and dash into the bathroom. If I'm taking my shower and he's crying for me, you would read to him your favourite book, cause you know that he'll be ok just to have you around.

You love to sing. You could even come up with your own song with your own lyrics. It's funny to listen most of the time. The other day, you sang "One, little two, little three, little baby Emmett..." and I just couldn't stop laughing looking at you singing with accompanied actions. It's just too cute!

You have your own happy dance, too! When you get to drink your favourite packet milk or go to the playground, you would hold your fists up to your chest, twist your body and do a little hop. It makes me feel happy for you, too.

You also drive me up the wall sometimes but there is never a day that you don’t make me smile. You are clever, so so clever. You just want to know everything and that is so much more important to me right now. I love your thirst for knowledge.

You see, in many ways, you reminded me of myself. You look like me when I was little, you have good memory just like me (thank God!), you love singing just like me. Basically, you're like my mini me!

But also, in many ways, you're better than me. You love generously, you forgive easily and you're just a genuinely kind and wonderful soul. And I can't express enough just how proud I am of you.

So on this day, as we celebrate your 3rd birthday, I might not have the perfect gift for you, but I want you to have whatever you want. I want you to be happy. I want you to find someone that you love and love them completely. I want you to find a passion and follow it completely. I want you to work hard at whatever educational and career path you choose, although whatever you choose is fine with me. I want you to do what you love, and live a fulfilling life. Never let anyone tell you what to do, listen to advice but always make your own choices. If you can learn one thing from me I hope it’s that, do whatever you choose to do and don’t let anyone hold you back, whoever they are. Even if that person is me. Most of all I want you to be content. Find the simplest joy in the smallest thing. If you are kind, loyal, ambitious, determined, honest, faithful, loving, accepting and humble, then good things will come to you. Lastly, be brave and take risks. Take chances and be daring, life’s too short not to.

Happie Birthday my sweet sweet darling.


Love,
Mummy

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Priorities

I have a strong urge to pen this down so here it goes.

I have the privilege of taking up a part-time job in a company that has my best interest at heart. So even though I am a part-timer, they also signed me up and included me in a coaching program they are having for everyone in the company. Which I am deeply grateful for.

I had a second session with the coach just a few days ago and the main subject that we talked about were my career goal and how to achieve it.

Throughout the session, it was clear to me that I have the passion and the desire to move to another level or at least try to do something that is out of my comfort zone.

What's stopping you? She asked.
What's your obstacle now?

I paused, and thought really hard about it.

I'm afraid that the new job might not allow me to finish work early so that I can pick up Charlotte when she finishes school at 4pm.
I'm afraid that I cannot find another loving and reliable nanny for Emmett.
I'm afraid that the new job might take up a lot of my time that I will not get to spend enough time with them.
I'm afraid of missing out every little milestone they achieve.

So, your kids are holding you back? She asked again.

I thought about it again and I said, they are not holding me back.
They are my motivation to thrive harder.
They are not my obstacles.
They are my priorities.

As the words came out of my mouth, it's like an epiphany to me as well.

I am slowing myself down and holding myself back because I now have different priorities- my kids!
Traveling can wait.
Career can wait.
But time with them are so limited as they're only young for such a short while.
Watching them grow and hitting every little milestone give me a sense of joy no words can ever explain. And they need me now, more than ever. If I can't be there for them now, then when?

Soon, they won't run over to plant big kisses on my lips.
They won't spend time having dinner with me.
They won't be calling "Mummy, mummy!" tirelessly.
Soon, they won't be mine, but someone's else's husband or wife.
And then, I won't be their priority anymore.

Let me tell you a little story that has me feeling guilty since it happened.

Charlotte has a habit of sleep-talking.
Few days ago, she hit me in the middle of the night. She hit me 4 times. And every time as she hit, she was crying out "No carry Emmett!". 4 times.

I turned to hug her tight. And she went back to sleep. The room was dark. But as I brush her cheeks, it felt wet. So was mine.

I am doing my very best to be there for both of them and to battle this mom-guilt constantly. But somehow I'm always at the losing end.

Realizing that now my priorities are them gives me a new perspective in life. That sometimes, some things can wait.

Cooking can wait.
House-cleaning can wait.
Laundry can wait.
Washing the dishes can wait.
Scrolling on social medias can wait.

A crying baby and a toddler that stands patiently outside of the kitchen waiting for a hug?
Don't wait. Attend to them first.

I love you both. Very very much.

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How do I know my daughter loves me ❤

1. She gives me kisses freely and willingly without asking.


2. She gives me kisses whenever I ask for it.


3. She hugs and kisses me whenever she has done something wrong #manipulative wtf

4. She kisses and hugs me whenever I am mad. 
- Ok let me elaborate a little. Sometimes I raise my voice when I teach out of frustration. She would run to me and call out to me gan-jiongly. If she's already seated in the high chair, she would just pull my sleeves and keep calling Mummy! Mummy! If I ignore her and continue to speak to my students in a loud and frustrating voice, she'd use both her hands to forcefully turn my head to look at her, and then looks at me very concernedly. If I'm not done, I'd tell her to wait. But she would pull me towards her and say Hap aaa. Hap! (read: Hug), then closes her eyes and hug me genuinely lolololololol. I wish I could take a video or picture of situations like this but it'd be awkward for the students to do so after getting scolded by me hahahahahahahahahaha.

5. She doesn't share her favourite food but she would sometimes let me take a bite. Not the whole piece, but a bite from a small piece. She would gladly give me the remaining if she cannot finish, though.

6. She doesn't latch in the middle of the night anymore. But she would wake up, climb up to our bed and lie next to me. Before falling back to sleep, she would conveniently lie on my arms or on my pillow so that her head touches mine, and says hap aaa hap! Sometimes, she would even hold my hand and place it on her buttock and say Pat! Pat aaaa pat! And if I remain still and ignore her, she would move my hand to pat on her buttock herself, and goes back to sleep. Within a minutes or two, she would turn  and sleep horizontally, forming a H sign, with the husband and I being the 2 vertical figures. Most of the time she sleeps like the picture shown below. I have to gather all the energy I have to carry her back down to her bed after she's fast asleep.

7. She stills waits outside of the kitchen or bathroom when I'm cooking or taking a shower or taking a dump. Even when the husband is around, she'd rather have me in sight. Especially when I'm sitting on the throne. She'd reach out her hands and says Hap aaa hap! Even after I tell her that I can't do it, she'd try harder by pursing her lips and says Hap aaa! Kiss! Nice try, Charlotte. Nice try.

8. When she finds something funny, she would purposely laugh loudly while looking at me. If I don't acknowledge her, she would forcefully turn my head so I would look at her and while she laughs even harder. Seriously, WHO TEACH YOU THAT!?

9. She likes to do silly things together with me. Like putting on my headband and flashes me with a big big smile.

10. She says "I Love You" to me all the time with or without prompting 💕

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Charlotte is walking!

Dear Charlotte,

It has been another wonderful month. To see you do what you do.

Last week has been a roller coaster ride for me, though. You're down with cough and flu with a lot of phlegm in your throat. It made you very uncomfortable, especially when you're asleep. You'd cough in the middle of the night and throw up. Last week alone I've changed your bed sheets 5 times. I've declared myself as the Queen of Changing Bed Sheets.

 Despite having to deal with you constantly trying to puke on me and me trying to catch every drop with my own bare hands, the highlight of the week (and month!) has to be you started walking! It was on the 21st of June, 2016 (Tuesday). I was teaching a student and you were crawling here and there trying to take and pull everything as usual.

Then, the unusual happened. You took more than 1 step unassisted, and fell. You stood back up, and took 3 unassisted steps! Then you went back to crawling. Throughout the 2 hours we were there, I realized you took another 4 to 5 steps a few times unassisted. I knew, you could walk already. And soon you'll be able to walk freely, and maybe wouldn't want me to hold you any longer. It was emotional for me as I really never I never imagine you would walk so soon as you're born with club foot.

So as I watched, I just lived in that moment and didn't bother to take any video. And then regretted a lil later hahaha. But that night, I saw it coming and so I had my camera ready.

It's been a week now and you're getting much better at walking. You'd stop and be afraid to step into into the elevator or place that you need to walk through a door, I don't know why. But you are walking more and more everyday. I always watch in awe, and then carry and hug you a little tighter when you happily walk towards me and hug me.

 I took another video of you walking with daddy the other day.

Go slow, my baby. You have a long way to go. Daddy and mommy will make sure to hold your hands so that you won't fall down clumsily. And even if you can finally walk freely, we will always be at least 2 steps behind.

 Love and kisses, 

Mummy 

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Charlotte's 1st Birthday Party

As many other proud parents out there, I wanted to do something for Charlotte when she turns ONE. I was contemplating between having a photo shoot or throwing a party. I've made a lot of calls and sent a lot of emails and text messages on Facebook. I've never done so many surveys to make a decision cause I'm usually the happy-go-lucky type. As much as I wanted to have a photo shoot, I also wanted to have a celebration to thank the people around us who helped us along the way.

In the end, I bought a second hand 50mm nikkor lens from Carousell and threw a party.

 We decided to have our celebration at Wichday Cafe . I've been there once about 2 years ago when my niece celebrated her first birthday. It was a simple one without dessert bar and decorations. And it was cheap. It was RM35 per pax back then.

So I called the owner, Yean. Unsurprisingly, it's not that rate anymore lol. We chatted through WhatsApp and she would show me pictures of her art work she had done for the parties held there before. I was quite impressed, actually.

So I gave her the theme I want - pastel colours and flowers. She tried asking me if Charlotte likes any cartoon characters but the fact is I don't really let her watch the television #asianmom. But I know what I like lolol so pastel colours and florals it is!

So after paying the deposit, basically there's nothing else I need to do. I wanted to prepare some wish cards for guest to write for Charlotte. I had the template and the cards ready but my printer was out! I told Yean about it and she offered to print them for me. So gam dong can!

So ya, there's really nothing else for me to do, except for following up with my guests' attendance and door gifts. And prepare Charlotte's birthday outfit. And order a customized cake lol.

Then came the day!


Took a picture of our little family before we left the house.


She napped in the carrier on our way there #somuchwin


What greeted us at the main entrance! Photo credits to my bff Carly cause I erm dashed in to eat before other guests arrive lololol.


Some other decos.


The dessert table! So pretty ❤  ❤  ❤  We can actually take back EVERYTHING on the table. So the kids happily took all the kitkats and cupcakes and water bottles and marshmallows.


The chalkboard chart! It was one of my requests. Though there are a few grammar errors oops.


The door gifts I prepared.


This was taken by my sister-in-law. I wrote every single thankQ note myself. I wrote a few versions, actually. Some I wrote something like this,

Hello!
It's not about Charlotte actually. It's about us surviving the first year of parenthood.
Nah, we're just kidding.
Or maybe not :P
Anyway, hope you enjoyed the party!

I'm not sure who took those cause so far nobody has taken any picture of them and comment about it hahaha.


The wish cards! They're gonna be capsuled in a box for Charlotte to open when she turns 18 :)


Last but not least, the customized cake I ordered from The Cakescape .


I love the golden cake topper. I've kept it for Charlotte, too.


Here's a picture of the princess of the day! Got the dress from a pop up store at Publika. Headband was from BBclips on Instagram.

Most photos were taken with our mobile phone cause the stupid mama brain forgot to charge the battery of my DSLR the day before fml.

What's missing, you ask?

THE FOOD TABLE! NO ONE TOOK ANY PICTURE OF THE FOOD TABLE!!!

But just in case anybody wants to know, we had 11 dishes. I'm pretty sure everyone was well fed cause there were extras left for us to bring home. I must say, the curry chicken is really really yummy.

The minimum headcount is 30 pax. Yean said the cafe can fit maximum 60 pax. I had 45 guests and I think it's already very crowded. There're not enough tables though there are plenty of chairs. Some of my guests left early because they saw people coming in but there's like "not enough space". So in my opinion, 40 is a comfortable maximum number.


We had a great time and we're glad that our guest enjoyed themselves, too. The husband said that the party was better than what he expected in every aspect. So if you'd like to have a small party for any occasion, I'd recommend Wichday Cafe.

Below are some of the details just in case you're interested. You're welcome.

Wichday Cafe
195, Jalan Sarjana, Taman Connaught
Cheras, Kuala Lumpur
0122149061 (Business hour only)
http://www.facebook.com/WichDay

The Cakescape
Ginnie @ 017-645 6759.
http://www.facebook.com/thecakescape/

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