A Chain of Unlucky Events

It all started last Wednesday.

After the routine of feeding Charlotte her dinner and everything else, it was bathing time. Since the husband was not home yet, we took a shower together.

As we're done and ready to step out of the bathroom, I slipped. With Charlotte in my arms facing the front, I had to think fast. It's either I lean forward and fall on top of her, or I try to do something else as long as Charlotte remains unharmed.

I did the latter. I was trying so hard to balance myself, flipping back and forth and sideways. Until!!! I knocked the corner of my left eye at the edge of the door.

The said edge.

Instantly, I felt an intense pain. So I quickly brought Charlotte to her changing table. I was still standing up trying to dress her in her pajamas but it was so god damn difficult! I also felt a building rising at the corner of my left eye. Within seconds, I was feeling dizzy, nauseous and was having blurry vision. Everything around me went almost black and white. Almost. I could still see but with white outlines. I'm not sure how to put it down in words actually but that's basically how it is. I almost pass out but I know I couldn't cause I was alone with her. Finally, with all my might, I dressed her up, took her to my room just next door, placed her on the floor and I collapsed on the bed.

I don't know how long did I stay unconscious but as soon as I was more conscious, I quickly called out to Charlotte. She was then walking around the room rampaging, pulling tissue papers out from the tissue box and tearing. I didn't stop her cause I couldn't. I just stayed lying on the bed, calling her, hoping she'd just stay close to me. And she did. She came to me holding my little toe. Maybe she was curious as to why mommy's not moving on the bed, when she'd usually stop my from the fun I'd have.

I also quickly gave my husband a call, telling him to come home immediately. After hanging up the phone, I remember sobbing so badly as I was feeling so shitty, lonely and helpless.

But I quickly snapped out of it as soon as I was able to sit up. I carried Charlotte to the dressing table and had her hair blow-dried. Then I continue to lie down on her bed so she could nurse sesuka hati while I continue to rest cause I was still feeling dizzy.

When the husband came back, he took a good look at my bruise and decided that I need to get to the hospital for a checkup. I was 200% reluctant because by then I was already feeling better and it was already past Charlotte's bedtime. But he insisted. So off we went to Hospital Serdang.

We reached there around 10.45pm. Got myself checked and x-ray taken. Nothing concerning so we headed back home around 12am.


Here's a picture of how my natural eye shadow progressed for the past 9 days.

The next day, this happened.

Background story was I cooked one-pot chicken rice for dinner. Charlotte had her usual portion at 8pm ish then went to bed at 10pm. Around 10.30pm, she woke up with a cought and then started to throw up. She threw up all her dinner and we've changed her bedsheets until there no more left to change! If I'm not mistaken, she threw up a total of 6 times. Whatever goes in, even breastmilk and water, comes back out shortly. The last straw was at 2am, when there's nothing left for her to throw up but yellowish liquid (黄疸水). We decided that it's critical so we rushed her to Hospital Serdang. Again.

2 nights in a row. How wonderful. Not.

She was all active, running here and there. And was brave, too! When the nurse wanted to take her blood for some test, he poke that needle thing in on the back of her right hand first. When he poke the needle in, I held her tight and sang her favourite nursery rhyme. She did whine a little but didn't cry. Instead, she was watching the nurse doing his job in awe. Blood came out but not flowing. So he decided to do it again on her other hand. This time, she cried. I tried my very best not to cry along too cause I know she needs me.

This was after the nurse has successfully took her blood. I told the husband to take a picture of us. First of all is for remembrance. Secondly was to distract myself cause I was all teary already.

Since the last puke, she was all fine at the hospital. No more vomiting even after I fed her some water an hour later. The doctor said she seemed fine and there's nothing visibly wrong. Her tonsils seemed red and swollen so that might irritate her causing her to puke. She told us to wait for the blood test. The test result came out half an hour later. Everything seems normal, only her blood is thicker than usual (43%). The doctor suggested to admit her for drip but I rejected cause I don't think she's treating the root cause. So my husband and I signed the form to release her home. It was already 4.40am. She was asleep in the carrier around 3am and continue to sleep when I transfer her to the bed. My poor tired baby.

I still sent her to the nursery the next morning cause she seems fine. Nursing without vomiting.

She looks fine here but actually, she had not eaten the whole day!

The carer said she refused her oat milk and lunch and only drank a little bit of water. Her bottle was 90% filled when I picked her up! I don't know how she still has so much of energy. We went out for dinner and I pick all her favourite food but she took none, too! All she wanted was my milk.

Then, on Saturday morning,

I had to deal with this shit-tuation.

Without delay, we cleaned her up, fed her 4oz of puree (and thank God she polished all!) and rushed to see her usual paediatrician.

Someone was clearly not affected at all.

After listening to the whole account and a quick check on her, the paediatrician said that it's not the tonsils that's causing her all the discomforts cause she has no fever at all. If it's something to do with her throat, there's bound to be fever. So it's most likely to be something she had eaten. My husband and I both ate the same pot of chicken rice but we're both fine. But we are adults after all. Maybe it's something that we can handle and digest but she couldn't. Now that she's having diarrhea, the infection has probably come to it's last stage, passing all out through the rectum.

He then prescribed her with probiotics and also mucolator to break down the phlegm since she's still coughing a little.

On Sunday... well, guess what? MY TURN to have food poisoning fml.

The husband bought fruit rojak for me the night before. I have no problem eating a little bit of shrimp but eating them in big quantity will cause me discomfort. And guess what's in the fruit rojak?

Yupe. Shrimp..... paste.

It didn't cross my mind at all and I was savouring every drop of it. Especially with peanut.

So I started to shiver in the middle of the night and feeling extra chilled.

The next morning, I felt terrible. I couldn't stand up straight, I couldn't walk. All I wanted to do was sleep. But I can't cause I have a child to attend to. Yet I was too weak to even cook for her. She had some puree which I prepared in advanced a week ago for breakfast and 2 pieces of toast for lunch. Around 5pm, I couldn't take it anymore and rang the husband to come home. He came home and looked after her while I went unconscious. He came to check on me later and found that I was having fever. My temperature was 38.7°C.

By 7pm though, I was feeling better already. So I got up and cooked dinner. The husband took my temperature again and it was 37.6°C.

In summary, here's what went down.

• Wednesday night - Bathroom accident
• Thursday night to Friday - Charlotte had food poisoning
• Saturday - Shituation
• Sunday - My turn to have food poisoning

All is well now but really, I couldn't stress this enough.

Do Not Take Your Health For Granted!

And as a mother, I could really understand the phase 得閒死唔得閒病. When you're unwell and can't function properly to look after your child, the mother guilt kicks in big time. Thankfully I had the help from my supportive husband. Thanks, baby. 

I hope I won't have to go through that again anytime soon!

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My New Diet Plan

It's gone.

The magic of losing weight while breastfeeding is far gone.

I weighted 60kg before I got pregnant. I was 80kg before Charlotte popped out. 1 week postpartum I was 70kg. And then I slowly shred those extra kilos month by month. I was not one of those lucky moms who can get back to prepreg weight within a short period of time, but I did lose weight. Slowly but surely.

To be honest, I'm not sure if I lost weight because of breastfeeding. I wasn't eating on time on a regular basis. Sometimes I could go one whole morning without food until late afternoon. So when I could finally savor on anything edible, I would just gobble it down like nobody's business. Diet? What diet? I'm thankful to even have a bite of white bread, really.

Sometimes I do get to enjoy something better than white bread such as a Korean set meal, with bibimbap, soup and all the side dishes. Before I was pregnant I would be very cautious of what I eat and how much I put into my mouth. But motherhood has changed me.

I started to eat like this. Literally. 

I was concerned before but when I see my weight dropping bit by bit everyday, I feel empowered. I feel like, THIS IS IT! I CAN NOW CONQUER THE WORLD (of food)!

So for the past 15 months, I've enjoyed myself. I indulge whenever I have the opportunity and feel utterly grateful towards the universe.

But things took a wrong turn  since 2 months ago, when I started working full-time. I am still breastfeeding but my boobs are sorta free and not working for at least 10 hours a day now. I didn't think much and continue to enjoy myself whenever I can. I could eat better and regularly. And it shows. ON THE WEIGHING SCALE FML! I've gained 1 FREAKING KILO PER MONTH FML TO THE MAX LA!

SO!!!

I'm gonna do something about it. After much thought, I've made a very difficult yet beneficial decision.

I pledge to cut down on my sugar intake!

To go on a sugar-free diet will be too huge a step for a sugar-addict like me. I don't eat snacks or drink fizzy drinks but I LOVE to drink drinks! Drinks like chocolate milk, matcha latte, milk, milk tea and milo! They all contains A LOT of sugar.. and milk lol. I think making this pledge is already a huge step for me as I take at least a cup of milo every day, maybe a cup of Starbucks green tea latte once or twice a month and a cup of milk tea from Chatime once a week.

I will also try to cut down on my dessert intake. I love cakes and tarts. I mean, WHO DOESN'T!? Especially now with the half-baked cheese tart craze, I went crazy a lil. But for the sake of my weight and health (and the kaching in my purse), I'm gonna try to resist the temptation.

Hopefully by stoping all this intakes, I'll see changes in my health (and purse, seriously).

I'm not going to be too tough on myself, though. If I successfully fulfill my pledge for a month, I might reward myself with a dessert or a drink of my choice.

Ok. I'm set.

Last weight this morning was 63.5kg fml. I'll blog about my progress and hope to bring you (and myself) some good news a month later.

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I've Broken All the Parenting Rules I Set for Myself

As a first time mom, I was ambitious. I wanted to give my baby the best I could offer. Since we spent the first year together literally 24seven, I had the privilege to practice all the things that was told to be good for the baby.

No salt and sugar intake la,
no more than 2 hours screen time la,
no screen time while eating la,
no negative statements in front of Charlotte la,
always read before bedtime la,
always attend to her whenever she needs me la,
no speaking in baby language la,
breastfeed on demand la...
and the list goes on.

I am proud to say that I did it. I've passed my first year without much obstacle. If there's a score board, I think I scored 80%. I gave in 20% because of helpless situations but I'm still proud of my achievement. I feel even prouder when I get praises for what I did.

But now as I've started working, things changed.

She is now eating food with seasoning. Sometimes I try to minimize it but when she's at the nursery, I have no control over that. All I could do is to prepare her breakfast and snacks so she doesn't snack on cakes and biscuits provided at the nursery.

At home when she's agitated during dinner time as it's close to her bed time, I turn on ChuChu TV on Youtube so she could sit still to finish her meal. And also I could have some time to do all the washing up peacefully after she's done eating.

I'm sure she now has more than 2 hours of screen time besides watching ChuChu TV cause the nursery turns on Baby TV for them to watch from 4pm onwards. Sometimes they turn on a while too before lunch time.

I couldn't attend to her when she needs me most of the time cause I either need to cook for her in the kitchen, or get her water bottle refilled, or just simply need to go to the toilet and pee. Sometimes I gave up trying to cook or do whatever that can be done later and just compromise for outside food or just stay there beside her so she could comfort suck my soul out of me wtf. But again, how much can I compromise? How many times can I allow outside food to feed the both of us? So when I don't feel comfortable eating outside food, I have no choice but to put her in the playpen in front of the TV and left her crying while I prepare food in the kitchen.

This is when I've done cooking and came out of the kitchen. She refused to stand up because she's in the middle of a melt down wtf. She wanted me to carry her up instead of walking over to me herself. After I picked her up from the floor, she kept hitting my face as protest.

Sometimes I get so frustrated from listening to her crying alone in the living room I shouted in anger from the kitchen, asking her to just, please, KEEP QUIET!

It never work, obviously, cause she cannot understand yet. Instead, she cries even louder out of fear.

When we're done with dinner and bath time, I'll start her bedtime routine. Out bedtime routine consist of comfort nursing, reading, nursery rhymes, stopping her from opening and closing every drawer and cupboard, pick up the books she throws all over the floor, and repeat infinitely. Sometimes it takes a while for her to finally drift to lalaland. A while could be an hour to 2. If it takes that long, I might fold the mountain-pile of laundry and just let her do whatever she wants, like walking around clapping her hands and smile cheekily at me. I might stop in between to repeat the routine.

Sometimes it takes her less than half an hour to fall asleep. And when that happens, it means that I couldn't spend enough quality time with her. I will not be able to read or sing to her. But how much quality time is quality enough? And then I'll start to question myself if I've done enough for the day to make sure that she understands I love her? Did she get what she needed enough from me?

 I think the only thing that I am still practicing is not speaking in baby language. I used to stop people when they try to baby-talk with her.

"Charlotte, have you mum-mum?"
"Want to go gai-gai or not?"
"Go to your mummy and drink gut-gut."

Honestly it makes my blood boil when people talk to her this way. I constantly tell them that I don't speak this way and they shouldn't do that, too. But I often get replies such as,

"She's a baby ma. You say food she understands meh?" (erm, she doesn't understand mum-mum either.)
"I see baby I will automatically talk like that one wo. Cannot meh!? So babai one?"

Really. I cannot brain.

Anyway, it's been a month I've started working as full-timer and I live in guilt almost every single day. Being the sentimental one, I often cry myself to sleep. Not just because of all the rules I've broken, but also because I'm often stressed out and question myself if I've done enough.

And then I came across these 2 articles on the very same day, which was just a couple of days ago.

This article talks about how a mother is always stressed out because of the rules she set for her child. How she would just let her child cry out loud and not attend to her as so to "train" her not to be so clingy, and regrets it later when she doesn't even want to be around her as often anymore. How she wishes she could turn back time, take a step back and just be there for her whenever her child needs her.

Sounds familiar?

This other article talks about how a mom was taken back when her daughter asked her this one question, which I wish Charlotte will never have to ask. It's a really good read and it speaks to me.

This post not a boastful post nor about self-pity. I hope this serves as a reminder to any mom who is as stressed out as me, to take step back, breathe, and just live in the moment a while longer. Because before you know it, the baby that was once so chubby, clingy and difficult, will be all grown up exploring their horizons, without you. 

It's ok if she has taken a mouthful of ice-cream. It's ok if she dance and claps to the show on TV. It's ok if she's not talking yet. It's ok if she's not potty train by 3 years old. It's ok if her bumbum is marinated in poo because she's still wearing diaper. It's ok if she's not eating enough vege, as long as she eats. It's ok to give in in moderation.

It's ok cause we know we are still doing our best as a mother. 

如果媽媽沒有放松自己的心情，只想著累的日子快點過去、盼著孩子快點長大，那這一段時期的育兒之樂便只能成為泡影。
趁孩子還小，多給他們擁抱、多給他們微笑、多給他們鼓勵吧，別把遺憾留給自己，別讓后悔纏著自己，畢竟這樣的時間真不長，這樣的機會一去不復返。

At the end of the day, I know my baby still loves me dearly ♥

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Zoey's Kitchen Homemade Powders

After I wrote the post about Caring Moms Bazaar 2016 , mummy Jamie came to me to offer me her homemade powders.

I was delighted and happily accepted the offer. I mean, who would say no to homemade goodness?

She makes 3 types of powder

♥ Chicken Stock Powder - made from Chicken Breast, Himalayan Salt, Onion, Garlic, Leek & Celery

♥ Anchovies Powder - made from Quality Anchovies from Pangkor Island

♥ Vegetable Powder - made from Purple Cabbage, Broccoli, Yellow Onion, Carrots & Tomatoes. All organic except for the onion.

So last weekend, I got myself working with these powders.

First, I stir-fried some broccoli and carrot with the chicken powder.

I used it to replace salt, since it already contains Himalaya Salt. After stir-frying a bit, I add more water to soften the vegetables.

Now, let's hear the verdict.

① - Ooo, what's that mummy? I think it's calling me.
② - Okok I'm coming for you.
③ - Mummy! Put down the phone and concentrate please! My mouth is ready!
④ - There there, broccoli. You're safe in my mouth now. Go on down to my tum tum.

In other words, Charlotte approves (◕‿◕✿)

Next up, stir-fried mushrooms with Anchovies Powder.

Because the mushrooms are already flavorful, I only add a little bit of anchovies powder to enhance the flavor. 

Sorry no after-photo cause erm... I forgot to feed my camera first  (´･ω･`)

But it was no doubt tasty.

I was told not to boil soup overnight as it's not good for babies, though it'll be more flavorful. So one day, I made this simply ABC soup using only 2 chicken drumsticks, 1 potato, 1 carrot, 1 onion and 1L of water and cooked for 1 hour. When it's almost done, instead of adding salt, I added half a teaspoon of Chicken Stock Powder and 1 teaspoon of Anchovies Powder. It was AHMAIGWD so so so SOOOO YUMMY! That's how I'm gonna cook my soup from now on wards! No more boiling overnight and waste electricity (cause I'm using an induction cooker).

As for the Vegetable Powder, I used it to make omelette.

 I used 2 eggs. Beat them well and then add in 1 tablespoon of the Vegetable Powder and mix well.

Lo and behold!

Expectation.

Reality hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha (─‿‿─)

But it's yummy OK!!! And come to think of it, if your child doesn't like eating greens, this is a great way to let them eat vegetable by cooking with the vegetable powder cause it's like hidden vegie!

Also, the Vegetable Powder can be consumed directly and it taste sweet. Not sugary sweet cause the sweetness comes from the vegetables so it's very authentic. I sprinkle some on top of Charlotte's rice like ふりかけ (furikake) without having to worry if  it contains any MSG, preservatives or artificial flavoring cause it doesn't! And Charlotte loves it. So do I (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

Jamie also shared some tips for using the powder

✿ The chicken stock powder is suitable to enhance the taste of your soup, to stir-fry vege or for marinating. It's meant to replace soy sauce, table salt, or oyster sauce in your cooking.

✿  The chicken stock powder is not recommended for baby under 12 months old because it contains Himalayan Salt.

✿ Anchovies powder is suitable to put into your noodle soup. You can also add a pinch into your baby's porridge. Suitable for babies 8 months old and above.

✿ Vegetable Powder is suitable for babies 10 months old and above.

✿ Please use a dry spoon to scoop the powder.

✿ Chicken & Anchovies Powder can be kept 4-5 months in the fridge. The Vegetables Powder can only be kept in the fridge for maximum 3 months only as it's dehydrated with a dehydrating machine.

Zoey's Kitchen Homemade Cooking Powders Pricing is as below (with effective from 01/08/2016)

1.Chicken Stock Powder (Normal Chicken):-
~ RM27/80gm
~ RM33/100gm
~ RM45/140gm (full bottle)

2. Chicken Stock Powder (Kampung Chicken):-
~ RM32/80gm
~ RM40/100gm
~ RM55/140gm (full bottle)

3. Anchovies Powder:-
~ RM30/100gm

4. Vegetables Powder:-
~ RM40/80gm

- FREE delivery for orders worth RM80 and above
- There will be a delivery charge of RM8 for orders worth below RM80.
- Delivery charge to East Malaysia is RM10.

*unsalted Chicken Powder is available upon request with additional charges due to extra portion of chicken breast required.

For more information, kindly head over to Zoey's Kitchen Facebook page.

Or you can also reach mummy Jamie at 016 - 326 0909.

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Breastmilk Keepsake Jewelry

When I've stopped pumping in January this year, I still had a few packets of frozen breastmilk in the freezer. Donating them was one of my options to clear them off but I didn't want to just bid them farewell like that. I mean, they signify an important milestone I achieved in life. I thought of keeping one frozen packet and give it to Charlotte when she turns 21. Though I'm quite certain that she might feel clueless of what to do with it hahaha. Maybe she could continue to keep it until she's a mother herself and tells my newborn cucu, "See, this was what I used to drink when I was your age."

Ya.... right....

Anyway, one day I stumble upon a post on Facebook (I mean, where else, right?) and this seller was selling breastmilk keepsakes. And that's it! A keepsake! For the sake of keeping lol. After comparing the price and do some rough research, I contacted the seller. It's not cheap, honestly. Here's what she quoted me

European Bead (breastmilk/ baby's cord/ baby hair)
1 for RM250
3 & above RM200/pcs
Free Glitters, Shimmers, Colors, Flakes, Foil
Add On Name additional RM15 for per bead

The price is slightly cheaper than a Pandora bead. But it's made from my own breastmilk! So after contemplating much, I decided to place my order. Since I was among the first batch to order, I was able to enjoy an additional 10% discount. I ended up paying RM180 per bead.

My order was as below

♥ 1 full bm (faceted) with gold glitter.
♥ 1 full bm (faceted) with added name - Charlotte (lobster font)
♥ 1 half bm + half pink (faceted)
♥ 2 full bm (faceted) with pink glitter

I also got to get a complimentary pendant cause they were running birthday month promo. So on top of the beads, I also  got myself a complimentary full bm pendant.

I placed my order in March. Since the response was overwhelming, I was told that my order can only be delivered around July. I was fine with that, thinking that it could be a birthday gift to myself. Each bead needs approximately 30ml (1oz) of bm. I handed the seller 1 bag (10oz) of frozen bm ans waited patiently.

My beads came in August instead of July.

Let me show you my keepsakes ♥ ♥ ♥

Pretty right?

They came with a complementary bangle but I'm not wearing it. I'm wearing 2 in my Pandora bracelet and keeping the rest in Charlotte's Time Capsule Box :)


They came in boxes like that, just in case you're wondering. You can also see my breastmilk pendant on the left.

There is a bottle of wax powder with a wax cloth included for the beads, to prevent them from tarnishing.

Also included is a care card, teaching you how to take care of your keepsakes.

Of course I was not happy when there was no news and I have to ask them for updates myself. But I got them in the end all is well now. Just that I won't share who this seller is. If you're interested to get these keepsakes for yourself, you can simply search through Facebook and you can find a number of result.

Just in case you're wondering, I never join any of these groups and the seller is not shown in the result here. I'm just showing you that you can easily find them on facebook. Do compare the prices and look through the reviews before deciding who and where you wanna get your keepsakes from.

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Caring Moms Bazaar 2016

If you're a Facebook user and you're a mom/ lady/ home-based business woman, you've probably heard of this Facebook group- 

JOBS for Caring Moms MALAYSIA - Babysitter, Tutor, Daycare

A community founded by Shera Ann Bosco and her friend Umesh in April 2016. Within a short period of 4 months time, this group has grown tremendously and it now has 48 thousand members (and counting).
The aim of this group is written in it's group description itself and I quote

Many Stay At Home Moms are very resourceful and skillful at what they do, juggling kids, work part time, and managing the home. Many are also looking to supplement the income. 

Full time working moms, need peace of mind at work. If the kids are well taken cared of, they work in peace. 

This group aims to connect the SAHM and the FTWM with the hope they can work together, bringing up children, with peace of mind, hassle free in a nice home environment. 

If you are a service provider, feel free to advertise your service.
- Babysitting.
- Daycare.
- Tuition.
- Personal Shopper.
- School Transporter. 

For SAHMs, use this as a positive opportunity to supplement your income and enjoy what you love doing. 

For singles please feel free to spread the word and introduce this to a friend in need.

Bottom line - a support system.

I joined this group since the beginning of it and I have to say, the community here is supportive and amazing. There are many home-based service providers such as food caterers, child care providers, tutors, home-based beauticians, cleaner services, etc. You name it, they have it. But if you can't find it, ask and ye shall find hahaha.

I personally had tried a few services and erm they're all related to food hahahahaha. I've ordered

Bottle drinks from Yuki Teoh


Baked Macaroni Lasagna by Mimi Azura Amin


Lily's Homemade Sausages

HomeBrew Coffee, Tea & Chocolate Drink by Kai Lee Tan

Ok la there's one non-food related service. I've also tried

Eyebrows and Eyeliner embroidery service by Jasimin Juliet De Silva

These are just a tip of the iceberg. Imagine ALL the other services you could get from this group! Let me show you some interesting ones that I might consider spending on later.


Homemade Cartoon Pao (available in Melaka though)


Homemade Vege Pasta by Vi Vien Woo


Dehydrated Fruits for Detox Water by Joo Sing.

Amazing, right?

My experience with these services has been amazing thus far. Oh, I'll be writing my experience on my embroidery soon. Do stay tune for that :)

Since this group has grown tremendously within a short period of time, they decided to do something more bizarre - to organize a bazaar!!! Omg that's so rhymed lol!

Date : 20 & 21 Aug 2016 (Saturday and Sunday)
Time : 10 am - 8 pm
Venue : Evolve Concept Mall, Ara Damansara
Event Details: Click HERE

There will be lucky draw with exciting prizes to be won. Also 2000 goodie bags up for grab!
Up to 100 of food, beauty products and handicrafts will be available. There are also fun activities lining up such as kids colouring contest and fashion show.


If you're travelling from outstation to attend this bazaar, the committees have actually negotiated good rates with PJ GARDEN HOTEL. Located just 6km from Evolve Concept Mall. Kindly book early to avoid disappointment.

If you're interested to go, mark your calendar now and spend your weekend there! Don't say I bojio!

Gentle Reminder : Please bring enough cash and leave your stomach empty before heading over :)

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Breastfeeding after going back to work

It has always been one of my biggest concerns before going back to work.

Will I be able to continue breastfeeding Charlotte until she's 2?

Or until she weans off the breast herself?

As mentioned before, I've stopped pumping since January this year. Though I had time to stock some up before starting work but I was too busy just juggling with life.

I understand that after 1 year of age, breast milk is not the main food intake anymore. It's more like supplement on top of her 3 proper meals. I initially didn't wanna give her any other form of milk to substitute breast milk but at the same time, I was afraid that she'd feel left out if she sees her friends taking the bottle but she's not. So I bought her Oat Milk powder.

She's taking the Oat Milk twice a day. Once during breakfast and once during snack time when she's at the nursery. But when she's with me or during the weekends, I don't give her any oat milk at all cause the fresh and genuine one is always readily available lol.

So, am I still breastfeeding her?

Hell yes.

Every morning after she wakes up, I let her take her time to nurse as long as she wants. After sending her to the nursery, I let her nurse a while more or until she's satisfied. Now that she knows that I'll leave after nursing, she's taking the breast longer.

Then after work, when I pick her up, I'll let her nurse before we head home together. When she's at home, I'll just let her nurse as much and as long as she wants. She's now more fussy and demanding and I kinda expected that cause maybe it's her way of showing dissatisfaction for leaving her for so long during the day. Though tiring and often sore, breastfeeding her is one of my ways to compensate her. So ya, not complaining. Not complaining.

How's my boob feeling for not nursing for at least 9 hours?

Soft. No engorgement at all. It does feel a lil full but bearable. Of course there's a stream of relieved and satisfaction when she nurse on after I pick her up from the nursery. Sometimes I would wonder if my supply is running low when she nurses hard and long but I still see milk around the nips when she unlatches so I guess there's nothing to worry? Also, I sometimes pinch my nips to see if my milk still sprays during bath time lol. Sorry ya if too much info. But my point is, as preached by every other lactation consultant, supply = demand. As long as she demands for it, at this point, I'm still positively sure that I'll be able to supply to her.

Lately, I came across this article from a writer whom I admire. It's not really relevant to what I just wrote up there but this is one of the reasons why I'm more determined to let Charlotte wean off the breast herself as she has her own timetable for
it. If you're still breastfeeding your little one, I hope this encourage you to continue on breastfeeding as long as you and your child mutually desires. Don't let anyone or anything discourage you.

Cheers.

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Childcare and Nanny Hunt

So I'd spent almost a month searching high and low for a nanny/ childcare center for Charlotte before my new job commences. My cousin said that as long as I'm not picky, I should be able to find a nanny anywhere any time.

True.

But the thing is, I've been more or less the sole care taker for Charlotte. And it's hard for me to just let go of some habits that we've been building.

Some of the things that we have not done or had ditched are

- Never sleep in a sarung (hammock).
- Never use the walker.
- Never use the pacifier for soothing.
- Never use mobile devices to distract her during our meal time so we can eat in peace (only uses when I need to cut her finger nails and toe nails)
- No screen time for more than 2 hours daily.
- Ditched the bottle at 5 months old and has been direct latching since then.

Do I sound like a tiger mom? I don't think so. We practice these because it works for our family.

My initial ideal nanny would be someone who stays in the same area as us. So I put up a notice on our condo's notice board in search of a nanny. The notice was up for 2 weeks. I was quite hopeful cause the last time I posted it up, I received quite a number of calls. But this time, no one calls! Until towards the end of second week, I finally received a call from a nanny who just lives a few floors below us. She charges rm900, excluding food. The price was way higher than I expected but we arranged for a meet up anyway.

We arrived at her doorstep at the scheduled time. I like the place. It was clean and air conditioned. The lady was a soft spoken one. BUT!!! She was taken back when she knew that Charlotte was already over a year old. She was expecting a 2 months old baby cause it'd be easier to take care and for the baby to get used to her. She was obviously not interested to look after Charlotte though she didn't say it upfront. She just kept saying that she needs to see if the 2 kids she was looking after can get along with Charlotte or not (erm... really!? the 2 kids could positively get along well with a 2 months old baby but might not get along well with a 1 year old toddler?). So it was a no go for all of us.

The second nanny I found was someone staying quite a distance away from my house but I could en route there on my way to work. She has 3 children but they would only come home in the evening. Her place is small, roughtly 700 sqft? And not really baby/ toddler friendly. When I asked her what will she do with Charlotte during the day, she said she will place her in the living room in front of the TV. She will have to take her nap there too. In front of the TV, right next to the main entrance.

This is roughly how the place looks like. I'm not sure about you but for an almost walking toddler to be confined at a little place in front of the TV the whole day sounds very pathetic to me. There's nothing else she can do. No brain stimulation activities. Even though she charges me rm800 (excluding food), I still have to pass.

The third nanny that I came across was introduced by someone from a FB group who happens to stay near me.She did warned me before meeting that nanny, that she's a very Chinese lady. As in she talks loudly and rudely. Also, she has a jobless son who stays home everyday. I didn't feel comfortable by the sound of it but I thought, no harm giving her a visit.

True enough, this petite aunty is one of those typical pasar aunty. Loud, rude, uneducated and conservative. Her house was quite dusty and her taxi driver husband repairs spare parts in the front compound so there're a lot of sharp tools lying around. I asked her some questions and I'll let you judge for yourself if she's fit to be a nanny. Conversations were carried out in Cantonese.

Me : So, where are you going to place Charlotte during the day?
Nanny : You have walker mou? Put her in the walker la! Or sarung la sarung. You got or not?
Me : She has never used a walker nor sleeps in a sarung before.
Nanny : HUH!? So you let her walk everywhere she wants at home!?
Me : I have a play yard at home.
Nanny : Bring here la!
Me : No way. I need it at home. And it's troublesome to carry the play yard here and there everyday.
Nanny : Hmpf! (Shakes head) So how? I also dunno how.
Me : (proceeded to ask anyway) She's still breastfeeding and has not taken the bottle since 5 months old...
Nanny : Huh!!! So big already still not using the bottle!? Then how to feed aaa!?!?

This lady is clearly a big NO for me.

The fourth nanny was introduced through an agent. She just came back from New Zealand almost a year ago. She has 3 daughters. Her house is clean, floor is especially slippery cause she said she mops everyday. She charges RM850 (food is not included) but I have to pay a one-time RM425 agent fee. She looks kind and sounds friendly. The only thing that I worried was her having to leave Charlotte with her eldest daughter for 5 minutes everyday to go fetch her younger daughter back from a kindy nearby. My dear, anything could happen within that 5 minutes. Nowadays it only takes less than a minute for a stranger to break into the house to kidnap a child. And are you sure you only need 5 minutes? What if the teacher needs to talk to her about her child?

In the end, I settled with a nursery nearby my work place. I visited the nursery before visiting the second nanny, actually. The care takers in the nursery are mostly Malays but I am fine with that cause I was well taken care by Malay nurses during my confinement at a confinement center, so I have no issue with that. Also, the care takers are said to be diploma holders in nursing. The principal said the medium is in English though some of the care takers' English is questionable. The center charges rm700 monthly and that includes food (breakfast, lunch and tea time snacks). There is a one-off registration fee and miscellaneous charges but if I divided it, I'm still paying not more than rm850 per month. The environment is clean and air conditioned, a lot of space for the kids to run around. The ratio of teacher to kids is 1:5.  They have activities such as art and craft or singing nursery rhymes at least twice a week. There will be TV time but not more than an hour a day.

So ya, in the end, I decided to send Charlotte to a nursery instead of a babysitter cause it's more affordable and at least she gets to interact with her peers and learn of different interaction dynamics.

Most importantly, wherever you wanna send your child to, the parent(s) has to feel comfortable where he or she is sending the child to. If one is not comfortable with the choices given, don't give up and continue searching until you find one. It's definitely hard sometimes cause the care takers might not be as patient as you are to your own child. You might have a bunch of things to worry but worrying too much doesn't help. So if you're comfortable with the one you found, all you can do is trust that they will take good care of your child. So far, I find the childcare is doing it's job well by updating me everyday when I pick Charlotte up or whenever I call in to check on her. It makes leaving her for work easier each day.

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Charlotte is attending Nursery

I've been so busy before my new job commence! It was exam week on the last week of my teaching life so there was a lot of things to prepare for my students. Then on the only week that I was jobless, I had to send Charlotte to her new nursery while I run some errands everyday. I have so may things that I wanna jot down but couldn't find time, until now.

Let me start off with Charlotte attending nursery for the first time.

My initial plan was to send her there an hour or 2 the first day, and then gradually increase the hours throughout 2 weeks' time until she's more comfortable with the new environment. But since I only had one week left before starting my new job, I had no choice but to go cold turkey.

So on the 1st of August, 2016, the first day of sending her to the nursery, I let us took our time to slowly wake up. Slowly as in for her to nurse as long and as much as she wanted and for me to just take in every moment and  emotion I had.

After we're both settled, we had breakfast at a cafeteria nearby. I fed her her breakfast I prepared and had mine quietly. Then we headed to the nursery together. It was a long ride. Well, the distance was a long one anyway. So I prayed. I ask the Lord for forgiveness, for only seeking him when I needed to. I also ask for His protection over her. Keep her safe, let her enjoy herself and have a good rest.

We reached the nursery around 11.45am. It was almost nap time for the kids. Charlotte was feeling rather sleepy, too, as she almost dozes off in the car while we were on our way. I quickly nursed her. I brushed her head over and over again, while telling her not to cry too much and try to take a nap. I also reassured her that I'll be back very soon to get her home. My water pipe was already broken the moment I stepped into the nursery and it couldn't stop leaking until I left. The moment I handed her to the carer it was basically waterfall pouring for the both of us. But my experience as a kindergarten teacher told me that leaving the scene as soon as possible is the best for all of us. For the carer to settle her down, for Charlotte to calm down soon to register what's going on and for me to pick myself back up.

I went into the car and cried my lungs out. It was a really heartbreaking moment but I embraced it. I honored my feelings and I allowed myself to cry as much and as loud as I needed to. Honestly, I felt so much better after that.

I went back almost 4 hours later as I had a meeting with someone nearby. I called the nursery twice in between to check on her. The second time I called was almost around 3.30pm and she hasn't taken her nap then. So I rushed over to pick her up. But when I was there, I saw her sleeping in a carer's arms. She has finally gone down for her nap 5 minutes before I arrive.

Here she's sleeping alone in the room cause the rest of the kids were already up from their naps.

It was heartening to see how tired and worn out she was but at the same time I felt relieved cause she's finally taking her much needed rest. So I left her there and went to a nearby Starbucks to wait for her. I went back an hour later to wake her up and brought her home.

According to the carer, she cried for half an hour before settling down. According to the carer, Charlotte was considered an easy baby (toddler) cause there are others who would cry the whole day.

She continued to go to the nursery the next 3 days and we were both making progress. According to the carer, she would only cry for about 10 minutes before settling down. After that she would walk everywhere exploring everything. She would also mingle with her friends. She takes her food well and eats a lot too. I, on the other hand, shed some tear on the second day and felt alright from then onward. Maybe because I get updates from the carer everyday or whenever I call in to check on her so I feel fine and 放心. So I guess it's either God hears my prayer or God hears my prayer lol.

Hopefully soon, we can bid farewell happily every morning.

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Charlotte is walking!

Dear Charlotte,

It has been another wonderful month. To see you do what you do.

Last week has been a roller coaster ride for me, though. You're down with cough and flu with a lot of phlegm in your throat. It made you very uncomfortable, especially when you're asleep. You'd cough in the middle of the night and throw up. Last week alone I've changed your bed sheets 5 times. I've declared myself as the Queen of Changing Bed Sheets.

 Despite having to deal with you constantly trying to puke on me and me trying to catch every drop with my own bare hands, the highlight of the week (and month!) has to be you started walking! It was on the 21st of June, 2016 (Tuesday). I was teaching a student and you were crawling here and there trying to take and pull everything as usual.

Then, the unusual happened. You took more than 1 step unassisted, and fell. You stood back up, and took 3 unassisted steps! Then you went back to crawling. Throughout the 2 hours we were there, I realized you took another 4 to 5 steps a few times unassisted. I knew, you could walk already. And soon you'll be able to walk freely, and maybe wouldn't want me to hold you any longer. It was emotional for me as I really never I never imagine you would walk so soon as you're born with club foot.

So as I watched, I just lived in that moment and didn't bother to take any video. And then regretted a lil later hahaha. But that night, I saw it coming and so I had my camera ready.

It's been a week now and you're getting much better at walking. You'd stop and be afraid to step into into the elevator or place that you need to walk through a door, I don't know why. But you are walking more and more everyday. I always watch in awe, and then carry and hug you a little tighter when you happily walk towards me and hug me.

 I took another video of you walking with daddy the other day.

Go slow, my baby. You have a long way to go. Daddy and mommy will make sure to hold your hands so that you won't fall down clumsily. And even if you can finally walk freely, we will always be at least 2 steps behind.

 Love and kisses, 

Mummy 

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