20 Facts About Me (version 2020)

 I've been documenting more on my social medias these days and neglecting this space. Not even sure if there's any more reader on this platform. But there's something about blogging that makes me wanna... hold on to it. I don't know but I find it hard to just delete and ditch it. It used to be my safe space, until it wasn't. The funny thing is, now it is again because... there's less viewer here 😂

So the last time I did facts about me was in 2016. I think I haven't changed much from that 11 facts haha no harm doing an update I guess 😁 so here goes.

1. I'm a certified TBAN Breastfeeding counselor since 2018.
2. I MUST have a cuppa hot chocolate in the morning. Any other beverage or food just couldn't help to start my engine.
3. I hate being late, and vice versa.
4. I have 2 half brothers. They're 6 and 8 years younger respectively.
5. People thought often thought that I'm not Chinese educated (really!?).
6. I'm a HUGE movie lover. I would go to movies alone whenever I get the chance to do so. 
7. I enjoy movies alone.
8. I am more vocal now, especially when someone cuts the line.
9. I was ALMOST named Crystal (thank God for giving my mother the wisdom not to 🙏)
10. I would really really really like to migrate. Australia, New Zealand or Japan.
11. I regret not pursuing higher education.
12. I prefer staying in a condo than a landed property.
13. I would rather shop for kitchen gadgets than clothes or shoes.
14. I'm a ESFP-T personality type.
15. My zodiac is Cancer and I used to be terrified about it.
16. My ultimate goal is to travel the word.
17. I used to have 3 pet bunnies - Copperfield, Minimus and Fei Zai.
18. I can't ride a bicycle.
19. I have 2 tatoos. I did them when I was 19, on the 3rd day of CNY because a tatoo shop in Sg Wang was opened and was having 30% off for any walk in customer lol.
20. I was a big fan of BSB fan, but honestly think that 'NSYNC has better songs.

There  you go. Me in a nutshell :)

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Demotivated

Emmett's birthday is coming up but I realized I am not feeling the omph. Like, I was enthusiastic when Charlotte turned 3. I brought her to the mall, spent money on those indoor playland and let her have fun. I even baked her a cake this year to celebrate her 5th birthday.

Earlier this week, even though aware that his birthday is just around the corner, I found myself feeling lazy and unmotivated to even plan anything. I've got his present ready but that's it. That's what I've done so far.

I love him. I really do. But I can't bring myself to even think of something to do next Tuesday. I am even thinking to make do with a store bought cake. He'd be just as happy.

But, why? Why am I feeling this way? What's wrong with me? It's only his 3rd birthday.

☹️

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Night Owl turns to a Morning Bird

 So, I've been staying at my dad's house for 4 days now and believe it or not, I've not seen my brothers! I saw Wei on the first night we moved back cause he was home on a Sunday night. But that was it. And I didn't even get to see Ting at all! How bizarre!? I heard his voice though as I'm a light sleeper and I wake up every time I hear something so I'm pretty sure he's still staying here haha. I mean, he has to stay here cause Sally, his girlfriend, is staying here! 

Reason why we don't get to see each other is because the kids and I sleep early. Like, 8:30pm early. And he only reaches home after that.

Maybe I'll bump into him on Friday?

If you're questioning why I sleep early, well, I wake up at 3:30am to start working. And the kids wake up at 6:30am to get ready for school. So yeah, we go to bed at 8:30pm. Surprise surprise.

Don't think I will believe myself if I tell this to the 16 year old me. I thought I am a true night owl. But now I'm a morning bird. I do become a night owl once in awhile, especially if it's a public holiday the next day. I deserve some good rest some days.

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Moving back into my old room + reno update

Brought the kids back since last night to stay at my dad's place as the flooring renovation started today. 

I was having a lot of feelings. Coming back to my once favorite hiding place that is no longer mine. The room is vacant but it still doesn't feel like I "claimed" it back as I move back in. The things left behind are mostly belong to the previous lady who stayed. 

Anyway, it was a tough first night. The room was still very bright even after the lights were off because the curtains doesn't block out lights. The kids were not used staying in a new environment. And all I could think off is how much time I have left to sleep before I need to wake up to start working wtf.

Everyone's exhausted today so let's hope for a good night sleep tonight. The husband will be staying over, too, cause he said that our place is too dusty after the hacking today.

Quite heartache when the husband sent me this image. I'm not sure how the new floor will look like. But I'm not really looking forward, to be honest. The tiles that I really like is too expensive. The one that we finally purchased was, well, a compromised one.

Aaa, what's done is done. Let's just hope for the best 🤞

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Why is renovating so stressful?

It's so hard to find a good contractor to fix the floor. 

The initial one I engaged has an attitude problem. Now I'm not even sure if he is coming next Monday to start work. 

So instead of waiting for him and taking in all his shitty attitude, I have started contacting other contractors for quotation. The more I ask the sadder I become because their solution and recommendations are quite different from each other. They left me at, "Erm... ok... so what should I do?". But nothing beats knowing that I need to remove the wall panel moulding which I absolutely love 😭 One of them who came to give quotation today said that he can find another contractor to redo the panel moulding for me but this just means that it will cost me even more 😭😭😭

This is the time I wished money grows on tree. Or fall from the sky. Sigh.

I stumbled upon this site few days ago. It has flooring and wall panel moulding and their workmanship looks so pretty. I bet it will cost a bomb! But I decided to reach out to them yesterday. I left some WhatsApp text messages after working hours so I'm still waiting for them to reply. 

Wish me luck!

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I survived without my mobile phone

Today, I left my phone at home the whole day. 

It's not unusual haha. But as I rely on my phone quite a lot for work purpose, it does get quite uneasy throughout the day. 

But I survived! Just need to catch up with all the messages and emails that came in. Also survived free time by doing readings on my kindle. 

I remember when I was younger and bought myself my first phone (which was a Nokia 3330!), I was so attached to it. All the text messaging till late night, playing Snake, modifying keyboard lights, customizing ringtones. It wasn't as advanced as what we're having now but it was so much fun.

Even though it's an essential now to have a mobile phone, I find myself not as attach to it as I used to. To be more specific, my phone is on mute most of the time, if not all. I don't really like picking up calls and I wouldn't reply messages immediately. However, I still find joy in getting entertained (read: social medias and Netflix lol).

ANYWAY!

I survived without the phone today. Small wins in life hehe.

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What's comin' will come (bye bye money)

I've been putting this aside for far too long. But today, Charlotte, engrossed to the screen in front of her, has forgotten all the nagging and reminder to not step on that specific area, sat on it.

"Craaaacccckkkkkkk~"

I stared at her while she looked back at me blindly. Then slowly turn her head and shifted her sight back to the somewhat broken TV screen.

No point nagging or scolding anymore. Called the tile contractor and hopefully can get him start working on it next week.

Bye bye money. Bye bye my beautiful epoxy flooring. I will miss you dearly. Unless the decision to fix tiles instead of doing another layer of epoxy is the right one. Other wise, so long.

My current 自欺欺人 view. Cracked floor is underneath the mat. 

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Outsider

I feel like I don't matter to people who matter a lot to me.

It wasn't the first time I wasn't invited to a family dinner. It wasn't the first time my family and I were excluded in a joyous celebration. Yet it hurts so bad. Like, so so bad.

I can never get used to it. I mean, how can one ever get used to being... abandoned?

One might say that, oh, it's a fine dining place and there's no suitable food for kids. 

But if they truly care about me, about us, they make an effort, not an excuse.

I've been trying so so hard to find a reasonable explanation but I couldn't. And the more I try, the more heartache I feel. Why am I the one trying to justify the things the did?

They say that kids with grandparents are blessed. I was blessed. I remember vividly how my grandparents loved and spoiled me. Unfortunately, my kids do not have that luxury. Whenever I go home, the only one who's mostly home all the time can be found glued to the TV. The others? Sigh. No one anticipates us. Really. Typing this makes me realized how pathetic it is. I am trying to fight back but my tears just keeps rolling down uncontrollably. And my heart feels like it was stabbed a thousand times. 

But no one understands. No one. 

The disappointment. The anger. The wave of overwhelming negative and toxic emotions. 

But I'm a fighter. I'm a capable and independent individual. 

I acknowledge that I'm sad and hurt. I cry, and then move on while the wound is still open and bleeding. 

It's ok. I will be ok. 

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Little Joys during MCO

It's been 57 days since Malaysia began the implementation the movement control orders. Not exactly sure if I'm an optimist, but I am glad that I manage to find joy in little things. As the saying goes, "It’s the little things that make happy moments".

Here are some of the things that I've been really happy about:

1. Netflix

I subscribed to the cheapest mobile plan, which is only RM17 per month. And I'm so happy with this decision. As a tiger mum who doesn't allow her own kids to have too much screen time, I find my own escapism in watching that little screen. Oh the irony! Well, I don't chill all day and I only watch it while cooking cause I deserve that little break. Multitasking is my other forte if you haven't notice yet. 

2. Free concerts online

From The Phantom of the Opera to the One World: Together At Home concert, to Aaron Kwok's online charity concert, I enjoyed it all! The best part is I can rewatch them over and over again! 

3. Mastering how to bake a chiffon cake

Lemon Yogurt Chiffon Cake

The key to successfully bake a nice chiffon cake is in the meringue. The egg whites must be beaten to the right consistency in order to have a beautiful and fluffy chiffon cake. And ever since I've mastered the key to bake it, it has been my stress reliever. The whole process is just therapeutic. Greater joy comes later when the consumers compliment it. 

4. Weekly grocery run

While I'm now comfortable staying at home most of the time, I get extremely excited every Friday evening knowing that I can leave the house the next morning for my weekly grocery run. Just like how we used to look forward to the weekend. That short hour or 2 getting away from the kids out of the house feels really good.

5. House cleaning

Norwex Consultant Starter Pack

Some of you might have noticed that I've got myself the Norwex cloths. It has made cleaning a breeze for me. With just the cloth and water, I've been cleaning the house more frequently now as I don't suffer from dry skin anymore. And it's more comfortable to stay in a clean environment. You can get it from https://specialoffer.norwex.my/ or feel free to ask me if you're not sure which cloth to get for your cleaning need.

6. Food delivery

Nasi lemak and chicken stew sets from Naomi's Kitchen

Having to prepare 3 meals a day has become so mundane that I get extremely happy when there's food delivery! It costs more than cooking myself but I take it as buying time and saving (my own) energy. I would recommend food from JoshiJosh and Naomi's Kitchen if you need to take a little break from the kitchen.

What about you? What are some of the little joys you find during MCO?

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Charlotte turns 5

Today, dear Charlotte, you turn 5.

You are a girl with persistent. Especially with your whys. 

Why is today my birthday?

Why does everyone have a birthday?

Why do you love me?

Why can't I eat junk food?

Why am I not 33 years old yet?

Why am I growing up so slowly?

You wouldn't stop asking until you get an answer.

You started to question about life and death. I dunno where is this coming from but I am seriously considering taking down the tv. Every evening, and it's only in the evening, you will start saying things like, 

"I don't want you to be old. I don't want you and daddy to be old."

"After we're 1000 years old, then we become a baby again?"

"I don't want to go to Jesus' house. I like our house. I want to stay in THIS house!"

You are kiasu when it comes to showing affection. When you see Emmett comes for a hug, you will rush over and hug me tight, "I want to hug! I want to hug like Emmett!" 

Not complaining about this, though.

You're getting more picky when it comes to food but you will try your best to finish all the food, albeit slow. Sometimes have to threaten a little. However, you're forever a big fan of all the dessert I make. And Grab food 😒

You still love to eat spicy food and your tolerance for spiciness has increased. I'm not sure if it's something good, though.

You have really really really good memory. You can memorize all the bible memory verses taught in Sunday School even though we didn't revise much. When prompted, you can easily cite them while I struggle to remember if it's verse 16 or 60. You are good in recognizing words and you're also good in Math, too, as long as you are focused. When you're not, it drives me crazy because I know you can do better.

You still have a love-hate relationship with your brother, Emmett. Mostly love. Just yesterday, when I was trying to get Emmett to stand on the weighting machine but he refused, you came over and said, "Go Emmett. It's ok. Go stand there and then I'll give you a special hug. You want special hug or not?" 

You're so so loved by everyone. Your kaima and jiu jius sponsored your birthday present this year. Your mother stayed up late to bake you a cake and your father built the toy kitchen until 6am in the morning. It took us so long because we were trying so hard to keep it as a surprise but you were still not asleep at 2am. 

As always, my baby girl, I wish you enough.

I love you. Happie 5th Birthday, Charlotte. 

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